I forget.

I forget things very easily these days. I forget meetings, I forget birthdays and I forget to call my relatives to ask them how they have been. All these memory lapses make me feel like a lesser being, surviving at the edge of functionality. I will go ahead and admit it – I’m ashamed. Every day, I wake up at exactly 7:25, I get dressed and head towards the bus stop. On my way there, I hope that nobody will be waiting for the bus. I feel anxious about the random, unplanned human encounters, particularly if they occur before breakfast. I get there, not a soul in sight. Phew! I put my big headphones on and I listen to songs in the hope that they will get me through the day. Sometimes, or to be totally fair, most days these days, I need to put in a lot of effort to cheer myself up. The bus is late, but the infrequency is a frequent occurrence. The bad thoughts start pouring in my head and all the girl-power Beyonce songs cannot stop them. Here we go again, the anxiety starts growing and taking over my body like an invisible layer. I’ve become better in dealing with it. I rewind. Breathe deeply. ‘There is nothing to worry about, nothing at all’. It worked.  I successfully avoided a panic attack. I have to look around me to keep the momentum of my victory going. It seems like the street, the trees, the sun all agree with me. It is a glorious day outside. I hadn’t noticed how many trees are in bloom, I hadn’t heard so many birds chirping at once and I hadn’t even smelt the beginning of the spring.  It was so beautiful I almost forgot about my issues for a moment. The bus is still nowhere in sight. I look at my phone to check the time for the tenth time and then I see the date. The 17^th of April. Today, my dad would have been 60 years old. Now everything makes sense – the sun, the birds, the blossoming trees. I whisper a ‘happy birthday’ as my bus comes. I wish I didn’t forget birthdays. ‘I forget things very easily these days.’