I forget things very easily these days. I forget meetings, I
forget birthdays and I forget to call my relatives to ask them how they have
been. All these memory lapses make me feel like a lesser being, surviving at
the edge of functionality. I will go ahead and admit it – I’m ashamed. Every
day, I wake up at exactly 7:25, I get dressed and head towards the bus stop. On
my way there, I hope that nobody will be waiting for the bus. I feel anxious
about the random, unplanned human encounters, particularly if they occur before
breakfast. I get there, not a soul in sight. Phew! I put my big headphones on
and I listen to songs in the hope that they will get me through the day.
Sometimes, or to be totally fair, most days these days, I need to put in a lot
of effort to cheer myself up. The bus is late, but the infrequency is a
frequent occurrence. The bad thoughts start pouring in my head and all the
girl-power Beyonce songs cannot stop them. Here we go again, the anxiety starts
growing and taking over my body like an invisible layer. I’ve become better in
dealing with it. I rewind. Breathe deeply. ‘There is nothing to worry about,
nothing at all’. It worked. I
successfully avoided a panic attack. I have to look around me to keep the momentum
of my victory going. It seems like the street, the trees, the sun all agree
with me. It is a glorious day outside. I hadn’t noticed how many trees are in
bloom, I hadn’t heard so many birds chirping at once and I hadn’t even smelt
the beginning of the spring. It was so beautiful
I almost forgot about my issues for a moment. The bus is still nowhere in
sight. I look at my phone to check the time for the tenth time and then I see
the date. The 17th of April. Today, my dad would have been 60 years
old. Now everything makes sense – the sun, the birds, the blossoming trees. I
whisper a ‘happy birthday’ as my bus comes. I wish I didn’t forget birthdays. ‘I
forget things very easily these days.’
